I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
