Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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