Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
