I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
