i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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