from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have fence marks all over my body
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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