Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
