all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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