textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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