you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
