We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will be naked everywhere
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
