so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
