he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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