Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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