Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
