I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
