Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
