I only kidnapped one of them. chill
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
