I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
