I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
