There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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