can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
