ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had sex on a roof
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
