i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
