I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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