I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
