We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
