I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
