i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
