I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize