Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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