repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
