he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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