It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize