Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
