Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
