There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
