Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone came in the potted fern
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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