her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
