You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you still have your period?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
