Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
