so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
