Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize