Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
