ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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