It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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