what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
