Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
