I cockslap morals
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
