I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
