Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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