last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
