I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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