I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
