omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
