I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
