At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
