last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
