I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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