Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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