why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
