What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When are your genitals available?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
