I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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