I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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