My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
