So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
