I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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