I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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