I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
