I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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