Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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