Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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