You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
