I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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