I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
