Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
