i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
