I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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