It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
