I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
