Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
