I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
