im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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