My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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