i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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