who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
