I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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