I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
