Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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