look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
