First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
