i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
