I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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