she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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