remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
