my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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