I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
