Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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