Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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