so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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