I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
