the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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