Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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