He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
