I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
