Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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