I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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